Sometimes ‘funny’ is the only word

CN: discrimination moar codeine drama, stigma due to mental health/gender

Remember this?¬†The doctor firing me after I walked out after being told I couldn’t have the script I was already told would be provided, and not being allowed to talk?

 

So I complained about it.

Continue reading Sometimes ‘funny’ is the only word

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Risk

CN: moar codeine drama; gender-nonconformi-ness and medical care, mention of genital-related medical issues

 

I saw a different doctor at the same practice. He was nice, apart from two things

  • the guilt trip and ‘you know the risks’ talk, when by now if they really think I don’t know that medications have risks, they should be sending me for a capacity assessment…
  • ‘she’ and ‘Miss’

Continue reading Risk

invisible

CN: moar codeine drama, doctor angst, medical anxiety, disordered eating, panic attacks

 

I saw the doctor today. Last week it was ‘try Panadeine, obviously if you’re still allergic you can’t have it, but try it!’. So instead of seeing my family and having an actual Easter, I spent the weekend having an allergic reaction to paracetamol, something which was diagnosed by an actual real doctor a whole three and a bit years ago.

Continue reading invisible

i am crushed

CN: moar codeine drama, discrimination, disability, medical stuffs as gender non conforming

 

I got home from the doctors two hours ago and I have not stopped shaking and cannot seem to stop myself from crying. I am, I think, in shock.

 

 

Yesterday I was planning to go visit my parents for the long weekend.

Now I’m not sure I’ll ever see them again.

 

It wasn’t a great day anyway, owing to an incident in the post office where I went to collect a parcel and they gave it to someone else, who then dumped it on the floor, kept saying it was theirs, and the post office clerk spoke to me like I was two – you know how people are with disabled people, when they speak slow and their voice goes up and they use simple words. I had to get down on the floor and pick up a box, oh, about the size of a television. Nobody apologised to me. I don’t do well with people touching my things in any case, but this was simply horrid. And then a man followed me out, yelling ‘can you manage’ and trapped me between him and the door. It was not the best foundation.

Continue reading i am crushed

before and after

CN: medical care with gender non-conforming body, disability, accomodating disability and medical procedures, mentions of sexual boundaries being violated, body image issues 

So the MRI went as well as I expected – that is to say, not well. I was not allowed to lie on my side as I asked and so, apart from running out to get meds the day after (which was not fun and extremely difficult for me, to the point that random strangers insisted on ‘helping’ and making things worse) I have been stuck at home all week, not able to cook for myself, walk unsupported, shower, stay awake, or see unimpeded. It has been six days and my legs and feet are still burning, my back still aches, and the band pain kicked in last night, so at least I know it’s peaked now.

 

But on Tuesday I have to have an ECG (electrocardiogram). My echocardiogram from 2014 has gotten lost to the annals of time, and the doctor who ordered it is about as good at sending records as he is at diagnosing chronic pain, so it’s as good as never having existed, except for the utterly dehumanising experience burned into my memory and the report which I know I saw.

Continue reading before and after

Quick note…

To the pharmacist at the first pharmacy I went to:

A hemiplegic migraine is one of the many definitions of ‘not okay’.

 

To the pharmacist at the second pharmacy I went to:

Yelling across the store at me does not mean I can understand you.

 

To the entire staff at the pharmacy the second one sent me to:

Me limping does not mean you need to stop me in the middle of the store to take the script. The man already in the store who says it does because he tried to attack me in the carpark because of it? Does not tell you what I need. If I need something, I will find a way to ask for it, and not asking? Means I don’t need it, especially when it draws attention to me through your actions disclosing my disability to everyone in the entire store.

 

And because I had to go to three pharmacies, I ran out of spoons and petrol and have no food. Good job, government. Good job. /sarcasm.

Choice, or lack of

CN: medical anxiety (inc. discussion of coping mechanisms), discrimination, workers compensation

 

Things have been strange this last few weeks. After going around saying ‘nobody’s even done a blood test since x’, I’ve had at least one diagnostic test every week since January. Naturally, I’m not coping too well with all this – my back just never stops hurting, my patella keeps slipping out, my shoulder feels like it’s been punched one too many times, and I don’t seem to be able to focus on anything for more than an hour at a time, which isn’t great when you’re heading into dungeons and wake up two hours later to find the timer still running (and so many games now seem to have forgotten the auto-pause functionality, devised just for that eventuality). I have had to go back to ordering food delivered simply because I’m not capable of lifting or stirring. I haven’t had that nice long rest that I like to have between stuff, so I’m not recovering enough in between to keep this sustainable.

But also, after several weeks of ‘we don’t really need an MRI and Medicare wouldn’t cover it anyway’, suddenly I do qualify for an MRI under Medicare and it was ordered for me without so much as even a ‘can you do that?’.

Continue reading Choice, or lack of